Queerleaders Read online

  “Um, I’m sorry,” Mack said walking up to the kitchen island, her voice at least two octaves higher. “You knew?”

  Mike and Carol looked at each other before looking back at their daughter. Mike shifted uncomfortably, setting down the bowl where he had been mashing potatoes.

  “Well, we were worried you were into drugs—”

  “What?” Mack squeaked.

  “Yes! You spend so much time in your room just watching weird movies and well…I’m not proud of this, but I snooped on your computer.” He shook his head shamefully.

  Carol nodded. “Honey, no straight girl searches Kristen Stewart and animal rescues that much.”

  The tight muscles in Mack’s chest wouldn’t loosen and she felt like she might suffocate. “And you’re…okay with it?”

  “Of course!” Mike said, “Who do you take us for? The Cheneys? Sorry, are you too young to get that reference?”

  “Dad, I think everyone knows how awful they were—”

  “The Pences? Does that track better?”

  “Sure.”

  “There, then who do you think we are? The Pences? As long as you’re happy.”

  “And drug free,” Carol added.

  “And drug free,” Mike agreed.

  Mack stared at her parents for a moment before her whole body relaxed, a long breath escaping her lungs. She slumped onto a chair at the kitchen island, cradling her head in her hands and resting her elbows on the counter.

  “Well that’s one less thing to worry about,” she murmured.

  Lila sat on the stool next to her and rubbed Mack’s shoulder. She was absolutely relieved and thrilled, but she felt like she didn’t even have a minute to enjoy it. Her parents were fine with it; she didn’t have to move out. But she still had to deal with all the kids at school.

  “What’s wrong?” Mike asked. He pushed his glasses onto the top of his bald head and looked at Mack.

  “Nothing.”

  “Well,” Lila said loudly over Mack, “one of the football players outed Mack and now she thinks her life is over.”

  “Kids these days. No manners.”

  “Want us to talk to their parents, Mackerel?” Mike asked.

  “No! No. It’ll just make everything worse and I’m enough of a leper as it is. I’ll just handle it myself.”

  “So you’re telling me that people are mean to you just because you like girls?” Mike shook his head.

  “Are you so shocked by this?” Mack asked with a shrug. “You sent me to Catholic school.”

  “Yes, well. In our defense it’s the best school in the area.”

  “Well, now I’m just going to have to deal with being tortured by football players for the rest of the year,” Mack said, letting her head fall on the counter with a loud thump. Lila leaned over the counter and grabbed one of the carrots Carol was chopping.

  “You know what you should do,” Lila said, pointing at Mack with the half-eaten carrot. “You should steal all their stupid cheerleader girlfriends.”

  Mack barked out a laugh, “Yeah. Okay.”

  Carol brought out her ‘encouraging mom’ voice. “That’s a great idea, Lila.”

  Lila gave Mack a triumphant grin, wiggling her eyebrows. “See? Great idea.”

  “Sure. I’ll just walk into school tomorrow and steal one of the hottest girls in school.”

  “What’s with the sarcasm, Mackerel?” Mike asked. “I think you can do it!”

  “Yes, well you also told me I could be an astronaut when I was ten,” Mack said, sliding off the counter stool.

  “You could have.”

  “I’m horrible at math.”

  “That’s not all that matters.”

  “It’s literally impossible. Not only are they way out of my league, but they’re all straight,” Mack said gesturing for Lila to follow her. “We’ll be upstairs. Enjoying my last night of being alive.”

  “Okay, well dinner will be ready in an hour. Lila, you staying?” Carol asked.

  “Yes, please!” Lila said skipping toward the stairs, Mack close behind.

  “You know,” Mike called, “statistically, at least one of the cheerleaders has to swing both ways!”

  “Thanks, Dad!” Mack groaned, taking the stairs two steps at a time back to her room.

  Chapter Four

  “Look at the bright side,” Lila said as she pulled into the school parking lot. A couple of other students looked at the car as it drove up and Mack sank into her seat. “It can’t get worse.”

  “Can’t get worse. Yeah, right. That sounds more like a challenge.”

  “Everyone has probably forgotten about it already. It’s old news,” Lila said as she pulled into a parking spot.

  Mack sat up in her seat again and looked around the parking lot. There were a few football players near the door but that was it. She sighed and undid her seat belt.

  “Can’t you drop me off around back or something?”

  “You’re being dramatic again.” Lila checked her makeup in the visor mirror. She flipped it back up and looked at Mack. “It’ll be fine.”

  Mack sighed, letting her forehead fall against the cold glass of the car window. “I should have stayed home.”

  “Drama queen. They’ve probably all forgotten by now,” Lila said again as she got out of the car. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

  Sighing once more, Mack opened the door and practically slithered out. She could feel Lila’s amused stare on her back. Slowly Mack walked toward the school. Lila bumped their hips together, knocking Mack off balance. She looped her arm in Mack’s and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

  “It’ll be fine,” she repeated more seriously. “I promise. I’ll beat up anyone I need to. Okay?”

  “You’re too short to beat anyone up,” Mack said with a reluctant smile. She tensed as they got nearer to the entrance where some football players still lurked.

  “I can still beat anyone up.”

  Mack kept her eyes straight ahead as they got closer to the football players. She could feel her stomach clench and the prickling of sweat begin along her hairline. As they got past them, Mack squeezed Lila’s arm. Mack let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding when the football players were finally behind them.

  “See?” Lila patted Mack’s hand that was still squeezing her arm. “Totally forgot.”

  “You’re right,” Mack mumbled. Lila bumped into her again as they got closer to their lockers.

  “I usually am.”

  Suddenly a voice came over the speaker system. “Good morning, St. Patrick High. There is an assembly in the gym before classes. Please proceed to the gym now. Thank you.”

  Mack groaned and shut her locker. “Another one?”

  “I wonder what it is this time,” Lila mused. “Maybe they found another used condom behind the bleachers.”

  Mack shivered in disgust, shutting her locker a little harder than necessary. “Let’s get this over with.”

  They followed the crowd to the gym and found seats in the back-row corner where they usually sat. The fewer people around, the better—also the furthest away from the prying eyes of the teachers looking for troublemakers, the better. Not that Mack or Lila ever had problems with that. The most trouble they ever caused was making each other giggle with a look or stupid joke.

  All the students were settled just as Father Jorge approached the podium. A distinguished gentleman in his dark suit and stark white priest collar, Father Jorge was tall, lanky and had dark hair with streaks of grey that ran from his head down into his beard. His eyes were striking in the way a villain’s in a kid’s film were—harmless, yet somehow completely terrifying.

  “Good morning, students,” he said with a stiff smile.

  “Morning,” everyone echoed back at him.

  “This morning I would like to talk to you about a disease that is sweeping our young people,” he said in his booming voice.

  Lila leaned over and whispered to Mack, “What do you think i
t is today? Drugs?”

  Mack nodded. “Or if we’re lucky it’s premarital sex.”

  “Fingers crossed.”

  Beth, who was sitting in front of them, turned around and fixed Lila with a look. “We should be respectful.”

  Lila scoffed. “Of who? Father Jorge?”

  “Yes. He had to nail his hands to a cross to be a priest,” Beth said seriously. Her hazel eyes flickered to Mack and she smiled widely. “Hi, Mack.”

  “Hey,” Mack said slowly, drawing in a deep breath and blushing under Beth’s look. Beth waved once before turning around again and Mack exhaled noisily. Lila eyed her suspiciously and Mack could only shrug.

  Father Jorge looked up solemnly. “The television and motion picture industries are telling us these things are okay. They’re trying to corrupt our youth and tell us that it’s okay to stray from the church’s teachings. Instead of Mass, kids are going to Taco Bell and getting drunk off Baja Blasts.”

  Mack leaned over to Lila and whispered, “Do you think he even knows what Taco Bell is?”

  “I’ve seen young minds corrupted by sex, violence, and drugs,” Father Jorge continued. “But the one thing…that seems to be corrupting the youth of America more than anything…” He took a deep dramatic breath,“…is homosexuality.”

  Mack felt her stomach drop and her body instantly tense. Far too many faces turned to look at her, hiding in the back row. Beth turned to her and gave a sympathetic and slightly confused smile.

  “Fuck me,” Mack muttered, pulling the hood of her sweatshirt over her head as she sank down into her seat. She could feel the gazes of her peers on her and wished she could just disappear.

  Father Jorge continued and Mack peeked out of her hood to see most of the students turn back around. “It is a disease that has taken ahold of our youth and corrupted the brightest minds. Something you must guard yourself against!”

  “This is some bullshit is what it is,” Lila mumbled under her breath.

  Father Jorge paced the gym floor. “Do not let yourself be corrupted by the homosexual! They might offer you tempting things and feed you lies, but they are just trying to drag you into their sinful ways. Beware of their influence on you, lest they drag you down the path to hell.”

  He paused and slowly took in the entire room. Mack felt her stomach turn and clench, threatening to empty the contents of her stomach onto Beth sitting in front of her. She had heard all this before. It was nothing new. But that was before everyone knew she was a big ol’ gay. Before it was easy to play innocent and play along with everything they were saying. Now it felt like everyone knew and there was no hiding.

  “Students, let’s stand and say a Hail Mary,” Father Jorge finished.

  Mack stood with the rest of the students and pulled her hood from her head to avoid being yelled at by a teacher. Lila reached for Mack’s hand and squeezed as everyone began at once.

  “Hail Mary full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou amongst women…”

  Mack knew all the least populated hallways of the school. She knew just when to leave class to avoid the biggest crowds and how to get to her locker without being noticed. It was something she had perfected her freshman year, and now she used it to avoid the people staring at her after the assembly.

  For almost all four years of high school she had successfully avoided being outed in any way. Most of that success was due to the fact that no one cared enough about her to bully her, let alone dig into her sexual preferences. She had enjoyed her time as an invisible teenager and had hoped that the rest of high school would continue that way. Now she was some kind of oddity, something to be gawked at.

  She turned the corner and saw her locker. Most students were already in their classrooms so she quickly walked down the hall. She was almost there when someone stepped into her path. Mack stumbled as she stopped a little too quickly and blinked at the girl in front of her. She was chewing a piece of gum that looked too big for her mouth and Mack found it hard to stare at anything else.

  “Hello?” Mack said looking at her nervously.

  “The football team said you might be interested in joining the softball team,” she said, clearly sizing Mack up. Her face flushed and she shoved her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt. “You’re a little small, though.”

  Mack frowned. “I’m not that small.”

  The girl reached out and squeezed Mack’s arm as if testing it. Mack took a step back.

  “Yeah, you’re a little noodly, but I’ll take it.” She shoved a flier at Mack and walked away without preamble.

  Mack grabbed for the flier before it fell to the ground and read it. Join the Softball team today!

  She crushed it in her fist as she opened her locker, her stomach still in knots. She felt her eyes burning but refused to give in to it. It wasn’t enough for the football team to out her, they had to get other people in on it too. She threw the flier into her locker and slammed it shut before turning back toward the classroom.

  As soon as she stepped inside, all eyes turned on her and she gritted her teeth. She took her seat in the back and shrunk down into her chair. Lila, who had the seat in front of her, turned around quickly.

  “You’ve been taking your secret pathways?”

  “Yeah, but it didn’t work,” Mack whispered as the teacher stood up to start the lesson. “Someone told the softball team I wanted to join. Can you imagine? Me playing softball?”

  Lila hesitated for a moment. “Maybe you’d meet a cute girl.”

  “If there were any cute queer girls in this school…er…queer girls in general…I would have found them by now.”

  Lila smirked. “Not picky then?”

  “Shut up,” Mack blushed, pushing Lila’s shoulder so that she turned around.

  Mack sat on the other side of Principal Berkley’s desk, fiddling with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and waiting for him to say…something.

  She had been called out of PE, which was great, but it also meant she was sitting in front of her principal in her PE uniform, which felt equally embarrassing and vulnerable. She didn’t even pretend to wonder what it was about. She was sure at least one teacher had heard about the fiasco in the cafeteria.

  “Well, Mackenzie,” Principal Berkeley said, snapping a folder shut that she assumed was her own. “You have a stellar record.”

  “T-thank you?” Mack asked, frowning.

  “Because of that, you’ll just get a warning,” he said with a small smile, folding his hands on his desk.

  “A warning for…what?” Mack asked as her heart pounded wildly in her chest. Her brain was furiously trying to figure out if she should play stupid or just try and not die from embarrassment.

  He fixed her with a look, a small condescending smile. “Mackenzie, we know what it’s about. I heard you have been talking about certain…things. Same-sex relationships and such. You know that these are things we can’t talk about here.”

  Mack just shrugged, trying to look disaffected. “Um…okay.”

  She felt like she was going to barf. The adrenaline coursing through her veins had two effects. First, she definitely felt like she was going to be sick all over Principal Berkley’s desk. Secondly, she had a thousand practiced words on her tongue for all the times she had imagined this happening. All the scholarly articles and bits of scripture she had stored back in her mind for a moment like this rattled against the back of her teeth, but she just bit her tongue.

  He just stared at her for what felt like ten whole minutes. “All right…as long as we’re on the same page here—”

  “Can I go now? It’s the mile run in PE today and that’s my favorite.”

  “You’re free to go,” Principal Berkeley said, leaning back in his chair to show that she was dismissed.

  Mack was up and out of her chair before he even had a chance to call her back. As she walked out into the hall, she took a deep breath and tried to calm her shaking hands.

  “Fuck. This.”

  * * *
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  Mack had gone home that night and replayed the moment with Principal Berkeley in her head over and over again, each time with a new and exciting argument that would make him rethink the entire school policy. She told herself that she would use these arguments on her classmates, but deep down she knew better. So when the bullying and quips started, Mack wasn’t surprised that she just let it.

  One day everyone kept giving her plaid shirts, the next day it was cat adoption papers. But the final straw came on Thursday after school. Mack went to her locker, practically bracing herself for some sort of weird attack. She undid the lock and opened the door. Like she guessed would happen, a wave of small pink papers fluttered out. Her entire locker had been stuffed with coupons of some sort. Mack breathed deeply through her nose just as Lila joined her.

  Each little dig, each little “joke” made a flame of anger grow in Mack. She’d always considered herself an even-tempered person, but she also hadn’t had a reason to truly get angry until this point. Her previous track record of sailing through high school invisible and unscathed seemed to be over, and that was enough for her to be ticked off about.

  “Shit,” Lila said, picking up a coupon and reading it out loud. “Two for one at Pink Taco. Go ahead, eat the place out.”

  Lila cackled and grabbed a few more of the coupons. Mack looked at her incredulously and shut her locker again.

  “It’s not funny.” Mack said, knocking the coupon from Lila’s hand so that it fluttered to the floor. She sobered immediately, nodding solemnly.

  “You’re right.” She grabbed another coupon off the floor to look. “But you have to admit that saying is pretty golden.”

  “I’m fucking tired of this,” Mack said, ignoring her. “I’m tired of the looks and the fucking…” She picked some coupons off the ground and shoved them in Lila’s face. “This!”

  Lila put her hand on Mack’s shoulder and squeezed. “I hate to say this, but it could be a lot worse.”

  “Excuse me? I know it could be worse. But that doesn’t mean this doesn’t fucking suck too!”