Queerleaders Read online

  Mack barked a humorless laugh. “Of course I do! My perfect disguise of an indifferent heterosexual high schooler who does nothing but drool over prepubescent pop stars could be done for.”

  “You do that anyhow,” Lila said, gesturing wildly with her plastic fork. “Except instead of One Direction, it’s Demi Lovato.”

  Mack pointed her fork at Lila. “Hush! You never know who’s listening!”

  Lila rolled her eyes. “Listen, you’re going to be fine. The note probably ended up in the trash. And if by chance it’s still in the homework pile, Mrs. Martinez is just going to toss it.”

  With a sigh, Mack dropped her fork back on her tray. “You’re right,” she mumbled. “You’re right!”

  She leaned back in her chair and looked around the cafeteria. Everyone was minding their own business and entrenched in their own drama. They didn’t care about Mack’s struggles in the corner. She took a deep breath and tried to let herself be lulled into security. Lila was right. She usually was, a fact the other girl never let Mack forget.

  Mack felt eyes on her and looked over her shoulder to see Chad staring at her. Something about the way he was looking at her made Mack shiver. She quickly whipped around back to Lila who was giving her a bored look.

  “Chad was staring at me.”

  Lila raised a skeptical eyebrow and looked over her shoulder. She shrugged and looked back at Mack. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  “That’s all you have to say? Do you see how he’s looking at me?”

  Taking a big bite of her sandwich, Lila looked back toward the football player and cheerleader table.

  “Yeah, I guess he always kinda looks at you,” Lila said. “Like he’s a little bit in love with you.”

  Mack frowned and shook her head. “What? Okay, no. I can’t even touch on that right now,” she said, holding a hand up to stop her from talking. “But he looks like he knows or something.”

  “Knows what?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he has my note.” She gasped in realization. “Oh my god what if he does have my note?”

  Lila laughed. “Good one.”

  “Seriously!”

  She glanced back over her shoulder and Chad was still staring, but her eyes caught Veronica next to him. She tossed blond hair over her shoulder, and it caught the light in a way that made Mack feel like she was going to choke. Veronica was talking to Beth, another cheerleader on the squad. Beth had long dark hair that fell in waves over her shoulder, and she was also very pretty, but she never could hold a candle to Veronica. No one could. Beth looked over and caught Mack’s eye, waving with a small smile. Veronica caught on and glanced toward Mack, but Mack didn’t give herself a chance to see if she’d wave too. She spun back quickly in her seat, eyes wide and on Lila.

  “We already decided that Mrs. Martinez has your note,” Lila said through another big bite of her sandwich.

  As if on cue, Chad climbed on top of the table. The cafeteria hushed and all eyes focused on him.

  “I have a bad feeling about this,” Mack whispered.

  “Don’t be so self-centered,” Lila said, waving her hand dismissively. “It probably has nothing to do with you.”

  Chad cleared his throat loudly before he began. “My fellow students, germs and weiners,” he boomed. “I have some disturbing news to share with you. It would seem we have a homosexual in our midst.”

  Mack’s whole body stiffened, eyes wide and focused on Lila. Her friend shrugged and tried to remain looking impassive. “Still might not be about you.”

  “Mack!” Chad said, pointing a finger at her. “I have proof that you’re a gay.”

  It felt like the bottom of Mack’s stomach completely fell out. Her palms began to spontaneously sweat.

  Lila grimaced at her. “Maybe it is about you.”

  “You think?” Chad threw a triumphant fist in the air. Clutched in his hand was a piece of paper that Mack knew was hers. With a dramatic flick of his wrist, he unfolded the paper and began to read.

  “Hey dumbass, you asked me to list the reasons why I like Veronica, so here it is,” Chad said, glancing at Mack before continuing. “Veronica smells like puppies. But not that scent that smells vaguely of piss all the time. It’s that soft baby powder smell that they all have for some reason. There’s that one time she let me borrow her pencil freshman year, which only proves how sweet she is. She’s also really good at cheerleading. It’s hard for me to tell but I really do feel more school spirit after she performs…”

  The cafeteria had started out suppressing small chuckles, but now they were full on cackling around her. The sound was deafening, drowning out the rest of what Chad was saying, and Mack was sure she had never heard anything worse. Surely, she thought, this was a dream and she’d wake up any moment. She didn’t even notice that she had pretty much sunk all the way down in her seat. She looked back at Lila who was frozen mid-bite with half-eaten chicken nuggets on full display in her mouth.

  Veronica looked at her with an unreadable expression. As soon as their eyes met, Veronica looked away and Mack felt sick.

  “I’m gonna puke,” Mack groaned. Her legs felt like lead but she forced them to move. She quickly grabbed her backpack and rushed out of the cafeteria, leaving her tray behind. Mack kept her eyes focused on the exit doors and tried not to look at the stupids who were all laughing and pointing at her. Holding her backpack in front of her like a shield, she shouldered her way through the swinging double doors and into the hallway.

  Some of the laughter died as the doors closed behind her, and she breathed a small sigh of relief. But she kept walking quickly, her sneakers slapping against the cheap tiles that lined the halls. Her heart felt like it was vibrating in her chest, palms slippery with sweat. Is this what a heart attack felt like? Maybe she was finally having a heart attack.

  “Hey, wait!” Lila jogged beside her. “What are you doing?” Lila looped her arm through Mack’s when she caught up with her.

  “Running away from my problems,” Mack said, eyes still straight ahead as she headed toward the parking lot.

  “Don’t you think actual running is required for that?”

  “You know running in the halls is against school policy.”

  “Okay, well, stop power walking,” Lila said, grasping Mack’s sleeve and slowing her to a stop. “You’re giving me flashbacks of when my mom joined that Oprah exercise club.”

  Mack faced her. She was breathing heavily and she was sure she looked crazy. “I have to get out of here. My life is over.”

  “First off, calm down the dramatics,” Lila said with an amused smile. “And secondly, your life is not over.”

  “I’m not being dramatic!” Mack said, arms flailing at her sides and backpack falling to the ground. “Everyone knows I’m gay, Lila!”

  Lila crossed her arms. “Are you worried about them knowing you’re gay? Or knowing you’re in love with Queen Bitch?”

  “I’m not in love with her.”

  “Tomato, tomahto. No one will give a rat’s ass about this tomorrow when someone else is pregnant. Then it’ll be old news that you’re a box bumper.”

  “A what?”

  “A box—” Lila stopped herself and rolled her eyes. “You need to watch something other than Ellen every once in a while.”

  Mack rolled her eyes. “Just because you’re crude.”

  “I’m not.” Lila clapped her on the shoulder and steered her back toward the school parking lot. “Hey, look at the bright side. Maybe you can get a girlfriend now.”

  Mack groaned and bent down to pick up her backpack. “I guarantee you that’s never going to happen.”

  Lila gave Mack a sympathetic look and squeezed her in a side hug. “So, ditch and go to the mall?”

  It was tempting. The last thing Mack wanted to do was face any classmates for the rest of the day. Or ever. But the guilt of skipping gnawed at her stomach, almost as fiercely as the sickness and embarrassment from Chad finding her letter.

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nbsp; “No,” she mumbled, “but can we go after? I really want a pretzel.”

  “Of course,” Lila cooed at her, resting their heads together. “A cinnamon sugar one?”

  Mack nodded. She felt a little better in her friend’s embrace, not to mention the promise of a pretzel later.

  “I just have to avoid everyone the rest of the day. How hard can that be?”

  It was harder than Mack imagined. In every class, people stared and whispered as she passed. In the halls, people gave her a wide berth like she had some sort of disease. Luckily she only had one class with Veronica, so she just got there right before the bell and slipped into the seat in the very back. Then she made sure she was packed and ready to go as soon as the dismissal bell rang.

  After school, Lila went to the mall with Mack as promised. They sat in the mall cafeteria with their cinnamon sugar pretzels. They were behind a large plant at Mack’s request since the last thing she wanted to do was run into a classmate somewhere.

  “Hey,” Lila said, finally breaking the silence. “What about Jackie from third period? She’s cute. And smells like a golf course.”

  Mack snorted in laughter. “First of all, that doesn’t mean she’s gay. Secondly, no.”

  Lila squinted. “Pretty sure that means she’s gay.”

  “It could just mean she likes golf.”

  “And what’s gayer than that?”

  Mack rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair. “She’s not my type.”

  “What is your type? Veronica? I just don’t get it.”

  “Maybe it’s because you’re straight. You just don’t see it.”

  “I wouldn’t say I’m straight,” Lila said with a frown. “I think I could make out with a girl.”

  “But have you?”

  “No.”

  “Then you’re straight.”

  “Have you?” Lila said with a knowing eyebrow raise.

  “No.”

  “Then you’re straight?” Lila asked, popping a piece of pretzel into her mouth with a grin.

  “No!” Mack pushed Lila’s chair with her foot.

  Something caught Lila’s eye and she pointed her chin toward the other side of the mall. “Speak of the devil,” Lila said.

  Mack followed her gaze and saw Chad with his arm around Veronica. They were surrounded by a gaggle of other jocks and cheerleaders. Unfortunately Suzan, Veronica’s bitchy best friend and right hand woman, was with her. Mack was sure she’d never seen Veronica without Suzan’s blond hair and overly plucked eyebrows following obediently behind. She always looked like she’d smelled something nasty and her pointy features reminded Mack of a Doberman Pinscher or something else equally as terrifying. It was no secret that Suzan had always been jealous of Veronica. Mack wondered why Veronica even kept her around.

  Just the sight of them made her stomach clench and her mouth go dry. She looked down at her pretzel, suddenly wanting to throw it away. “Maybe we should go. I feel too sick to eat my pretzel.”

  “They’re blocking our exit.” Lila pointed at the group of jocks close to them but still blocked by the plant. Mack groaned and stuffed another piece of the pretzel in her mouth. “I thought you were too sick to eat.”

  “Now I’m just stress eating.”

  They watched them through the plant branches. Mack stared at Veronica as she talked and laughed, her head tipped back. Mack sighed.

  “Ugh, gross,” Lila said with an eyeroll. “Let’s get you focused on the girls you can actually get.”

  Mack sighed wistfully. “Like who?”

  “There’s a girl who works at the ear piercing place who’s for sure gay,” Lila said, finishing her pretzel.

  “I think I’m just going to be single forever.”

  “Dramatic. You’re a total catch. Get over it.”

  Mack felt herself flush and she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Sure,” she said sarcastically.

  “I would totally date you if we didn’t…you know.”

  “If we didn’t…what?” Mack tipped back in her chair. Lila stared back at her for a moment and Mack felt the legs of her chair tip just a little too far back. Her stomach dropped like a stone as she made one last desperate grab for the table. She grunted as her back hit the floor, pain shooting along her shoulders.

  “Oh god, Veronica, is she stalking you?”

  Mack opened her eyes and saw the entire jock table looking at her. To them it probably looked like she had just flopped out of the branches.

  Meghan, the cheer co-captain, frowned at her. “She’s totally stalking you.”

  Meghan was tall and beautiful with smooth flawless dark skin that was constantly on display. She would be right at home walking onto a fashion runway. That was most of the reason she seemed so frightening.

  Mack scrambled to her feet while wiping cinnamon sugar off her cheeks. Lila looked back at her from behind the plant, looking just as horrified as Mack felt. The group stared at her like she had three heads—except for Beth, who was hiding her giggles behind a hand. Mack groaned and reached for Lila’s wrist.

  “We uh…we’re just…bye!” Mack pulled Lila along behind her and out of the cafeteria. She heard snickers and scoffs as she passed the table of popular kids. Her cheeks burned so hot she was sure it was permanent.

  “Could have been worse,” Lila said with an awkward smile as they headed out of the mall.

  “Just take me home,” Mack groaned.

  Chapter Three

  “My high school life is over.” Mack sighed dramatically. She lay on her bed, pillow over her face while Lila sat on the opposite side and flipped through a magazine.

  Looking up with a squint she asked, “Don’t you have to have a life for it to be over?”

  Mack threw her pillow at Lila, who just laughed and held it on her lap. She stuck her tongue out at her and went back to the magazine. Looking at the picture on the cover, Mack frowned. “Retirement magazine?”

  Lila shrugged. “I like to plan ahead.” She looked up at Mack. “Hey, maybe your parents will let you transfer.”

  Mack sat up on the bed, eyes wide. She forgot about her parents. Her stomach twisted and she reached blindly for Lila’s hand, holding it in a vice grip.

  “My parents.”

  “What about them?” Lila asked. She grimaced but Mack barely registered it.

  “I haven’t told them about the whole…gay thing. Fucking shit shit Christ!”

  Lila pulled her hand away and leaned forward, holding Mack’s face in both of her hands. She squished Mack’s cheeks together so that she had fish lips. “You’re having a meltdown. Your parents aren’t going to find out.”

  Mack pushed Lila away, hands sliding from her cheeks as she did. “They’re in the PTA, Lila. The only people nosier than cheerleaders and football players are their parents, trying to relive the glory of high school through their children. They’re for sure gonna find out.”

  “You’re such a drama queen,” Lila said. “Mike and Carol will be cool with it.”

  With a groan, Mack pushed her friend’s leg with her foot. “Don’t call them by their first names. It creeps me out.”

  “What am I supposed to call them? Mr. and Mrs. Gomez?”

  “Yes.”

  “As if.”

  Mack was too busy staring at the ceiling and pondering her fate to respond to Lila. Her parents were considered cool and were seemingly pretty liberal. But she had read the horror stories on the internet and after everything from preschool…They seemed cool with being gay in general, but everything was different when it was your child. She couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if her parents were fine with gay people until she was one of them.

  “I have to tell them,” she sighed. “Better I tell them than they hear from someone else.”

  “You’re not necessarily hiding it,” Lila said, gesturing around the room at the walls. There were posters and magazine pages adorning the walls, mostly of female celebrities with a few dog pictures thrown in.

/>   Mack shot Lila a look. “Shut up. I’m going down now.”

  “I’ll go with you. For support.”

  Mack couldn’t help but smile gratefully. “My emotional bra?”

  “Obviously.” Lila cupped her hands in front of her and made the motions as she said, “I support as well as lift and separate. Like a good bra should.”

  Mack laughed and shoved Lila’s shoulder playfully. “All right. Better than walking in alone.”

  The knot in Mack’s stomach tightened with each step down the stairs. It felt like she was walking to her own funeral. Maybe she could live with Lila after her parents kicked her out.

  They were standing at the kitchen island making dinner together, the television playing softly in the background. Her mother looked up from chopping onions. “Hello, Mackenzie. If you two are looking for cookies, I’m afraid you guys cleaned us out last night.”

  Sickness suddenly flooded Mack’s stomach and her hands shook. What was she doing?

  “Oh, um…no cookies. Darn. Okay. Bye!” She turned on her heels to go back up the stairs, but Lila’s arm across her stomach stopped her. Lila’s dark eyes looked at her meaningfully.

  “What are you doing? Just get it over with.”

  “I’m freaking out here,” Mack whispered back, “I’ll do it later.”

  “You’d rather one of their PTA friends tells them?” Lila asked.

  “No.”

  “Then go.” Lila grabbed Mack’s shoulders and spun her around to face her parents again. They were both looking back at them with quizzical looks.

  Mack forced a smile before taking a deep breath. “I um…have something to tell you.”

  They looked at each other and back at Mack. Her father finally spoke up. “Mackerel, is everything okay? Are you pregnant?”

  “Oh god,” Mack said putting a hand on her forehead, her cheeks heating again.

  Carol shook her head and put her hand on her husband’s arm. “Oh, honey, no. Mackenzie’s a lesbian, remember?”

  “Oh, right!”

  Mack’s jaw dropped at the words and she looked back at Lila who looked just as surprised as she was. She blinked at her parents who returned to cooking dinner.